What To Do When Your Children Say “No!”

<p>When you first become a parent, you want your child to follow everything you say. It’s not always that easy, though. All kids go through a rebellious phase - when you ask them to do something, they might look at you like you have three heads, roll their eyes, or just flat out tell you no. When this happens, it’s common for parents to get frustrated, give in, and let the child do what they want to do. That’s not a real solution, however, and allowing this behavior to continue makes it harder and harder to reverse down the road.</p><p>Learning how to handle defiant, or argumentative children can be challenging, especially when you’re a new parent. In fact, the first three years of your child’s life can be the most challenging, to which new parents begin to think that their child might always be defiant. Thankfully, there are a number of steps you can take to help better manage your child’s defiant behavior—starting with choosing the right response strategy and setting consistent boundaries.&nbsp;</p><p>Here are 6 practical tips for new parents working with a defiant child.</p><h3>Establish a Consistent Routine</h3><p>One of the first steps to take if you’re dealing with a defiant child is to establish a strong routine. A well-thought-out and clearly communicated routine will increase discipline and reinforce positive behaviors. It will also make it easier to spot when a child is exhibiting defiant behavior; if you can tell there’s something off about your daily routine, then it’s likely that your child is dealing with an issue that can be addressed.</p><p>There’s no magic formula or easy way to deal with a defiant child, but if you take time to set consistent limits and communicate what those limits are, you’ll be better able to teach your child self-control. Here, consistency is key: there should be a set bedtime and a family dinner time; meals shouldn’t be skipped and treats shouldn’t be used as bribes. Consistency also means having one primary authority figure—the parent—and using that person consistently (i.e., not letting grandparents or nannies make special exceptions). Consistency helps set clear expectations, which makes it easier for kids to follow through on commands.</p><h3>Focus on What's Important</h3><p>When a child is defiant, their parent’s usual methods of punishment and reward don’t always work. Especially new parents should make a list of things that are truly important to them (making sure you include your child’s well-being), and which behaviors you find unacceptable. Then, talk with your child about what they consider important and how they want to be treated by others. This way, both parent and child can work together in establishing boundaries for acceptable behavior.</p><h3>Avoid Over-reacting</h3><p>Dealing with a defiant child can be difficult, even under ideal circumstances. When you’re in your car, the grocery store, or at work, it can be even more difficult. Over-reacting is something we can all fall victim to when our children act out. When this happens it’s best to take a deep breath and approach the situation delicately. Remember, you were a kid once too. Asking your child questions about why they did what they did (e.g., Why didn’t you stop running? Why were you yelling?) can give everyone time to calm down and act as a pathway towards self-reflection about their behavior.</p><p>It’s not uncommon for defiant children to try and get a rise out of you. Your child could be throwing a tantrum or they might decide it’s fun to try negotiating to see if they can get what they want out of you. Your best bet is to stay cool, keep calm, and avoid playing into your games.</p><h3>Don’t Compromise Your Standards</h3><p>When parenting defiant children, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. You always have access to support from professional educators and guidance counselors who know how to spot problems early on. Don’t compromise your standards in order to keep peace at home—your child is depending on you as a parent to set limits and enforce discipline.</p><h3>Spending More Time with Your Child</h3><figure class="image"><img src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/c0w0-_z9fpYzvZUo6us2f5C8l--drkcdLOaT9-JdrnQWx0nyNmnNyfrLWNm1nMBnwdHU-xpf4A3UK0T8DPrnBW32rmPpnjqthfOXK42vsmO0R9QFPMyG577F6nK3YV_MBGzf5wxp"></figure><p>Working with a defiant child can be tough, especially if you don’t see them as often as you’d like. In fact, not spending enough time with them is one of the reasons many kids act out. Spending more time with your children is one of the best ways to bond, and learn to manage difficult situations. Make it a point to spend quality time with your child every day—this reinforces the fact that you’ll always be there for them.</p><h3>Consult an Expert</h3><p>Are you at your wit’s end? Sometimes the last resort is to seek professional help. If your child continues to defy you at every step, it might be time to bring in an expert. A counselor or psychologist can talk with you about different approaches and ways to handle out-of-control children, such as using positive parenting strategies or managing defiant children. If you have a therapist of your own, you can bring your concerns up during your next session.</p><h1>Final Thoughts</h1><p>Parenting is a difficult journey but with patience and consistency, it’s possible to raise children who are healthy, happy, well-adjusted adults. One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to not be harsh or punitive when dealing with defiant behavior. This exacerbates problem behaviors in children and often teaches them that negative behavior is an acceptable way to solve problems or get attention.</p><p>Using positive discipline to handle defiant children requires a lot of patience and consistency, but the end result will be worth it, as you’ll be rewarded with healthy family relationships that help children flourish in the long run.</p>

Learning how to handle defiant, or argumentative children can be challenging, especially when you’re a new parent. In fact, the first three years of your child’s life can be the most challenging, to which new parents begin to think that their child might always be defiant

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What To Do When Your Children Say “No!”